what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my liver is dry heaving
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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