Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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