I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
