i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
