worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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