I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
