i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
