I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's just like the Real World with babies
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
