So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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