I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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