Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
