people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
