I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
