just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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