i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
