Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Randomize
