Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
