there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
