I wish I only lived at night.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
