you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
