You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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