p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I did not marry a roomba.
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