You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
