all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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