I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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