I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
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To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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