I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
