What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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