This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
