from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
