Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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