No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
