Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
