I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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