I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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