We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
