In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
