if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
