ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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