Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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