You're so nebulous sometimes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
