this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
