pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
