Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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