she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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