Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just high enough for therapy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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