Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
