I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
