Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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