Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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