also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
