He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
