Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
worst night to have a conscience
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
