Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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