i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
