so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
