Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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