While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
