Already got asked if we're dating
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
