i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
