Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
