I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
