I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
