No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
