apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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