i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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