Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
